MisMatchmaking Schemes
by Easily Distracted0720
Summary: Clueless Frau wants to hook his two friends, Teito and Ayanami, up under the impression that they are in denial. Cue the chaos and confusion. Sort of AU with no mentions of Verloren, or Eye of Mikhail. AyaFrau, one-sided TeiFrau and hinted others.


**Author****'****s****Note:** I read all seventy chapters in one sitting. Go figure. Still, I've wanted AyaFrau and there are only a few fics for them so this is my contribution.

**Warning/s:** Erm, relationships between priests… Enough said on that. Sort of AU, I guess… no mention of 07 Ghost or Barsburg Empire business… Mainly coffee shop talk and wrong matchmaking schemes.

**Pairing/s:** AyaFrau, one-sided TeiFrau and CasLab, I guess…

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The Seventh District was most well known for the all-encompassing authority of the Church and its generosity for any and all who wish for sanctuary. On a less extravagant note, it was also known for the cozy, little coffee shop three blocks away from the church, a perfect getaway for priests currently taking a break from their duties, chatting with the locals and catching up on the latest gossip or those who'd like a kick start on caffeine intake for patrols against the Kor.

Duties done and the mass still a good two hours away, three bishops were at the coffee shop having been excepted- more like banned by the Head Bishop himself- from preparations since the last incident that included a shower of porn magazines and hallucinogenic pollen that almost ended in canceling the mass. They sat at their usual table at the farthest end of the coffee shop to enjoy a little privacy.

"You know, I think we should just lock the little brat and Ayanami in a closet and be done with it. I mean, the broom closet in the second floor is barely used anyway," said Frau, the proud owner of said porn magazines, coolly as he stirred his mocha frappe with heavy cream and double chocolate chip lazily with a straw, oblivious to the alarmed looks being shot his way.

Self-proclaimed ladies' man, Frau stood at least a head taller than most men and his blonde hair refused to stay still unless forced under a cap. His blue eyes sparkled with mischief and his devil-may-care attitude vexed and enchanted his peers. Playfulness aside, he always took his duties seriously whenever appropriate.

"When you say locking them in a closet, is there anything in particular that you want them to do in there?" Labrador asked carefully, observing his reaction as he poked at the slice of strawberry shortcake on his plate. If they managed to somehow lock those two in, one of them was not going to leave it alive.

Quiet Labrador was small and looked much too young to be a bishop. He had wavy, white hair and entrancing purple eyes that could make the most hardened criminal confess. He was in charge of the green houses and the small fields they had at church, making sure that the crops would be fit for all people who sought sanctuary.

Frau rolled his eyes. "Well, duh. Tension's all well and good, but those two have it bad. I say just lock them in and let them release all that tension." Labrador still looked at him with wide, innocent purple eyes. "I meant sexual tension, Lab. Sexual. Seriously, I know we're priests but come on, you're a man. You should still know about these things. And hell, it isn't as if I don't know about you and this guy and what you do in your 'off limits' personal greenhouse."

He jabbed a thumb at Castor who spluttered and spat the hot coffee he'd just been drinking and Labrador ignored the spluttering in favor of thinking through what Frau had just said, trying to make some semblance of sense.

"Wait, you mean, lock Teito-kun and Ayanami-san in a closet to resolve sexual tension?" he said slowly, brows furrowed.

Cue the spluttering and choking.

"Ten points to Labrador," the blonde priest cheered, clapping his hands. Then he looked worried. "Seriously, what's with you today? Have you been exposed to some kind of drug or hallucinogenic plant again?"

"I was not," Labrador denied hotly. "And that happened once. Just once."

Castor, who'd recovered enough of himself and had just finished wiping his mouth with a napkin, looked at him warily. "What in the heavens made you think that there was sexual tension between those two?"

Castor was nearly as tall as Frau, except he was a brunette and his hair was actually manageable. A pair of glasses settled on the bridge of his nose, sometimes hiding his intense brown eyes from view.

Frau blinked. "I thought that was pretty obvious. The snarkiness, the insults, the threats… it's them flirting. The brat seems to have more energy when Ayanami drops by- for no apparent reason, too. It adds up, doesn't it?"

The blonde suddenly looked uncertain, looking at his two friends who seemed to be uncomfortable under his stare.

"Well, doesn't it?" he prodded further.

"Um, Frau, you do the same with both of them. Does that mean that you're flirting with them at the same time?" Castor asked slowly as if the blonde was a six year old. Inwardly, he was asking God how his friend could be both perverted and painfully oblivious. Teito and Ayanami had their hands full and he didn't envy them one bit now that the blonde was trying to hook them up with each other.

Still, on a lighter note, that would be hilarious. Better send a message to Hyuuga to shove a sock in it once he realizes what Frau was trying to do.

"But that's because we're buddies and that's what we do. Ayanami's been like that since I knew him and I tease the brat all the time since that's mentor privilege or something," said Frau, eyes wide in confusion.

Castor struggled not to sigh. Labrador decided to try again.

"Um, Frau, doesn't it bother you that Ayanami calls you his frau or his wife?"

"Or his woman?" added Castor, shuddering as he recalled the last time that happened and Frau had just shrugged it off and that had fueled yet another verbal sparring match between Ayanami and Teito.

It was a good thing the church had a no violence policy or else there'd be blood on the walls.

"He always calls me that because that's the definition of my name. I don't know what made my mother think of a name like that but I don't have as much of a grudge as I used to," Frau replied, shrugging.

"Well, doesn't it bother you that Teito-kun gets mad when Ayanami-san calls you that? That he yells that you're his?" Labrador added hopefully, wishing ardently that his friend would get it.

"Hm, I see where you're going with this," said Frau thoughtfully, eyes wide in understanding.

Finally! Their friend wasn't as emotionally clueless as they thought!

"They're using me to make each other jealous!"

Goddamn it, er, fiddlesticks, was what Labrador and Castor meant to think. They thought too soon!

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**Author****'****s****Note:** This is gonna be a two-shot. So, I'll update this at the same time as I update two of my other stories. Reviews are much appreciated!

**Other****Info:** The term _frau_ can be translated as either wife or woman.


End file.
